One of the most important aspects of the Kindermusik experience is the opportunity we provide you to truly partner with your child. It is absolutely critical that you spend the time you have together in class each week to be fully present with them. Developing a habit of connecting with them will pay huge dividends in your relationship at home, and what better place to make that time investment than at Song of the Heart Studios where we prime their brains and bodies for learning and connection?
Dr. Becky Bailey of Conscious Discipline teaches us that we must focus on our inner state before we can control our behavior. The same is true for children. They must be in an inner state of calm and security before they can learn, comply, or make sense of the world around them. The ability to self-regulate and manage our emotions and inner state requires TWO people. For adults, those two people are YOU and YOU. Your INNER VOICE is what regulates your INNER STATE.
Children have no inner voice to help them self-regulate. And yet two decades of research has shown that self-regulation is more critical to a child’s future happiness and success than early academic achievement. A child’s ability to self-regulate is more important than early reading, writing, or math skills. The average child does not develop inner-speech until around 6 years of age. Some girls may develop it as early as 4, and some boys may delay until 9!
So how can children manage their emotions and self-regulate if they have no inner-voice?
They can’t.
That’s why they need YOU. Remember that it takes TWO to self-regulate? THIS is why we partner with our children. This is why we focus on connection so much. This is why children crave and need your attention. It is through your guidance and example that they can learn to calm their inner state and to manage their emotions.
Every Kindermusik lesson has a moment or many for you to connect with your child. Our Foundations through Level 2 classes are non-stop parent-child partner joy-fests. Our Level 3-5 classes are focused on more musical training and less parent partnering, but even in those classes you are given a few moments at the end to join in with your child and partner with them. Make the most of our structured sharing time! And remember that you always have access to the at-home materials online that you can utilize to partner with your child.
Remember you are your child’s PARTNER as well as their parent. Partner up in class. Partner up at home. Partner with them whenever they need help navigating their overwhelming emotions. Use those I Love You Rituals, or a favorite fingerplay or lap bounce from Kindermusik, or your own special family brand rituals. And as always, remember that connection builds cooperation and promotes JOY.
We’re often terribly frustrated when we try to get our children to cooperate. Many of us get so fed up with our inability to control our kids that we give up. We just pick up the toys or clear the table ourselves, but resentment builds over time, creating distance between ourselves and our children. We feel inadequate.
Our lack of confidence makes our children’s world feel shakier.
Others of us get so triggered by lack of cooperation that we might yell, shame, blame, or punish until the deed is done by force. Here, too, we feel badly. Anger and frustration reign. Our children can’t help but internalize the message that they are not good enough, which hinders their ability to learn and make friends.
There’s another way.
In seeking cooperation, we must think of our children as partners in a relationship. Paying attention to connection before asking a child to cooperate is like greeting a neighbor and chatting a bit before mentioning that the fence between your yards needs repair. You honor the relationship, since it is the foundation for any positive action to follow.
Bring to mind the familiar scenario of telling your child to hurry up and get on their shoes so you won’t be late for an event. Your request is met with silence, as your child ignores your imploring and continues to play with their toys. You beg. You cajole. You bribe. Your child continues to defy you and picks up a piece of lint on the floor as if it is the most important thing in the world. Eventually, you find yourself yelling and they are crying and you are delayed and inevitably you are late once more.
Next time, try this: instead of begging, bribing, or threatening to take away a privilege, try connecting with them. Get down on the floor with them, and engage in play. It only takes a moment to bond and remind your child of your relationship. Once the feel seen and loved and valued, then inform them it’s time to leave and to get their shoes on.
Set yourself up for success by connecting first. When children feel connected to their parents and truly seen, cooperation comes naturally. Rather than preparing for a showdown with an uncooperative child, remember Conscious Discipline’s I Love You Ritual components: eye contact, intentional touch, presence, and playfulness.
We parents often feel urgent about getting things done right now, a feeling that tends to arise when we feel burdened and alone. We want to feel better, so we try to get the kids to sit down to lunch now, or get the bedroom cleaned up now, or get them piled into the car now. And there are times to force cooperation immediately. When your child is darting out onto a busy street, you’ve got to scoop him up right away, no matter how insulted he may feel! But otherwise, to win cooperation, you need to allow a bit of time for connection between the two of you.
This is what Kindermusik is all about. One of the primary functions of a Kindermusik class is to provide a culture that fosters a climate of connection between you and your child. We give you the tools. We give you the rituals. You partner with your child and forge the bond in class. Then it is up to you to take those tools home and use them. So when you’re feeling frustrated and burdened with parenting, remember that Joy Juice and how you get it. Both you and your child will feel closer, happier, less stressed, and more cooperative. You are a team! Partner with your child in play, and watch their cooperation naturally follow.
We are now five weeks into the new Kindermusik season (can you believe it?) and by now you and your child should be familiar with the routines and rituals of our studio. These routines and rituals have a variety of intentional purposes.
The words routine and ritual are sometimes used interchangeably, but there are important differences.
Our Hello and Goodbye routines that start and end each class provide a structure of stability for your children. This structure signals to them that it is time to begin class and helps them with the transitions into and out of class. Having a routine built into the class gives children a sense of security and a sense of comfort. It also helps them regulate their behavior and manage their expectations.
We’re sure you have routines in your family life, certain patterns of behavior that help you or your child move from one task to another throughout the day. The lack of these routines is why summer and the holiday season is at first freeing, but ultimately too much of a good thing. There’s always a bit of a sigh of a relief when the vacation is over and the family returns to the normalcy and stability of routine.
But routines are different from rituals, which also have a beneficial and intentional purpose. A ritual is a specific action or set of actions that help us regulate our emotions, build relationships, and mark significant events or transitions in our lives. A wedding is a ritual. A bar mitzvah is a ritual. A christening. But so is meditation, prayer, yoga practice, etc.
Conscious Discipline teaches about I Love You Rituals, which we incorporate into many of our classes. The purpose of these rituals is to build CONNECTION between you and your child, because research has shown that CONNECTION builds COOPERATION. Again, it’s a set of discrete actions that are done in sequence that form the basis for interpersonal bonding.
It’s no different than the timeless classic nursery rhyme “this little piggy went to market” that you lovingly recite when you have your baby on the changing table. It is a moment where you repeat a set of actions with the intention of regulating your emotions, or building a bond, or marking an event. Our handstamp ritual at the end of class is another example; it provides a moment when your educator can bond one-on-one with your little one with a little eye contact, a little touch, a little smile, and a goodbye.
Routines and rituals can definitely have overlap, but they are different things with different purposes. BOTH are necessary for children to form attachments, build connection, feel security, so that they can GROW and develop into their best self.
What routines and rituals do you have in your family? Do you incorporate any you have learned at Kindermusik? If not, try one at home that your educator has taught you. And then let them know how it went!
As we have had a few new families join us for Summermusik, it’s important for you to know a few of our best tips to get the most out of your experience. It’s a good reminder for our returning families as well!
PARTNERSHIP:You are your child’s partner in class. What does this mean? It means you make eye contact with your little one. It means you engage playfully with them. It means you notice what they are doing, label what they are doing, and help them build upon what they are doing. It means that you are fully present with them, fully engaged, and focused on them and their process. If your older child is in a drop-off class, the same thing goes for the few minutes of sharing time at the end of class. Let them show off and shine and share. Watch them. Encourage them. Cheer them on. Hug them. Sing with them. Make your time together special.
MOVERS GOTTA MOVE:
Maybe your child is one of those children that just can’t sit still. That’s okay and totally normal. Movers gotta move. It’s how they process information. If your child needs to get up and walk away from the circle and explore, go with them. Follow them, meet them where they are, then bring them back when they are ready.
EVERYONE’S EXPERIENCE IS RIGHT:
Every child experiences Kindermusik in just the right way for them and their development. There is no wrong way to experience Kindermusik. If your child doesn’t appear to be fully engaged in the activity, don’t stress. They are still learning. They are still taking it in. They are absorbing the information and experiencing it in a way that is just right for them. Is your kid off in the corner looking at the lights? Is your child sitting on the rug content to watch others instead of joining in? Does your child avoid eye contact with the educator and want to be held the whole time? Great! Do what they need. Follow their lead. Their brains and bodies are still benefiting from the class experience.
REPETITION:
Children learn best through play, and repetitive play at that. They need repetition of activities in order to fully process that information and formulate the dendrite connections in their brains. Our educators are experts at reading a classroom and repeating an activity as needed by the students. They tailor their lessons on the spot, in the moment, based upon what the children before them need. And more often than not, children need just one more repetition. Adults always tire of an activity quicker than a child does because an adult’s brain can assimilate new information more rapidly. There’s a developmental and cognitive reason that children ask for the same bedtime story over and over and over. They need that repetition to learn. So even though you may feel like an activity is tired, trust that your child needs it to reap the brain benefits.
CLASS FAMILY:
Here at Song of the Heart Studios we strive to develop a sense of community and culture, and we want all of you and your children feel like a part of it. That extends into the classroom. Your class is unique. The specific blend of children, adults, and educator all bring something different to the experience; you all contribute. So please think of your class as your musical tribe. Participate fully. Get to know each other’s names. Make eye contact with other adults and children in the room. We invite you to become part of our studio family.
In 2012 an archaeological site in Europe unearthed the oldest musical instrument artifacts ever found: flutes carved from bird bone and mammoth ivory. These instruments date back ~42,000 years. That means that when our Paleolithic ancestors were engaged in the life-saving activities of hunting and gathering they were also prioritizing the making of music.
A 2013 review of musical research describes how when playing music in a group individuals have contact with others, engage in social cognition, develop empathy, communicate, and coordinate their actions. Music actually impacts the brain circuits involved in empathy, trust, and cooperation. Perhaps this explains why music has developed and thrived in every culture of the world.
The key here seems to be shared music making, not merely listening to recorded music. It’s the act of connection that occurs when people gather together to experience and create music. It’s why every world religion employs music in its services. It’s why musicians tour and do live concerts. It’s why political rallies include performances by popular musicians. When you share music together your brain releases oxytocin and chemically bonds you to those around you.
Oxytocin is the same chemical released during breastfeeding. It’s the same neuropeptide associated with physical touch. It is a proven hormone that increases bonding and trust between people. Remember the feeling of love and affection wash over you as your breastfed your little one? Or when you gazed into their eyes as you rocked them and sang a lullaby? That was oxytocin bathing your brain, connecting you and your little one.
THAT is what we do here at Kindermusik. It is an intentional shared musical experience between you and your child that optimizes brain development in them and heightened emotional pleasure in both of you. For our older students, the sharing time with you at the end of class is limited. So it’s even more important that you engage in at-home music making.
THAT is the purpose behind our Rainbow Connection efforts these next two weeks. We provide tools for you to take the Kindermusik experience that you’ve invested in and bring it into your home. We want you to get the full benefits of our program and make shared musical experience a natural, daily part of your family culture. Because it will make your family even more bonded, and make your children even more cooperative, and bring you all emotional well being.
Music builds connection.
Music builds brains.
Music builds culture.
Music builds cohesion.
Music builds cooperation.
And, as we have learned from our Neanderthal ancestors, as they have passed down in our very DNA, music breeds life.
So dig into your at-home materials with renewed interest and enthusiasm and intention. Develop your own family musical rituals with purpose. And keep coming back to Kindermusik. Keep this development and bonding going through Summermusik and into the next year.
Can’t wait to see your beautifully colored Rainbow Connection papers as you bring them back next week!
Parents who seek information about what is best to do for their child—parents like you!—are relieved when an idea can be described as definitively true. It’s even better when that idea involves something that is easy and fun for children and caregivers to do together.
That’s what describes this idea coming out of years of study in Australia:
“…[I]nformal encounters with music at home are critical for young children’s development – with benefits above and beyond those of shared reading. And quite beautifully, the best results are seen when music making is a shared experience between parent and child.”
This statement is highlighted in a December 2017 article about the ongoing research efforts of Professor Margaret Barrett of the University of Australia, Queensland. Barrett began receiving grants to study the different effects of various types of musical exposure on young children in 2001. By 2013, she had honed in on a study called “Being and Becoming Musical.” At that point, Professor Graham Welch, Established Chair of Music Education at the University College London’s Institute of Education, joined her and her team. Data drawn from 3,100 families who participated in the study led the team to this conclusion: “shared music-making at the age of 2–3 years correlates positively with increased school readiness, pro-social skills, and literacy and numeracy outcomes at age 4–5.” That’s some powerful evidence in favor of music!
WHAT DO SHARED MUSICAL EXPERIENCES LOOK LIKE?
The research team included many examples of the types of musical activities parents and children did together. Beyond citing the evidence necessary in a research report, this gives parents some great ideas! Here is a sampling:
Parents and children made up simple songs to sing together during routines, such as bath time or meal time.
Parents put simple tunes to the words they used to describe what they were doing with children while doing those things—whether it was building with blocks, walking in nature, or dressing to go somewhere. So, rather than simply commenting on how good the warm sun feels, parents might sing about it to a familiar tune like “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star”: Shiny, shiny sun so high, shiny, shiny in the sky. Thanks for warming us today. You make it nice for us to play. Shiny, shiny sun so high, shiny, shiny in the sky.
Parents and children made up movements and danced together while listening to music.
Parents and children figured out how to make instruments like rattles and drums using things around the house, then played them together.
One particularly interesting finding stemmed from the fact that the research team was careful to include parents who ranged from “not at all musical” to “play a musical instrument” in the study. No matter what the parents’ musical background or comfort with making music, the shared musical experiences with their children had positive outcomes.
So don’t let any discomfort you might have get in the way of enjoying musical experiences with your child! Music brings joy. Period.
WHAT ELSE WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE STUDY?
Dr. Barrett and her team became especially fascinated with the idea that purposeful shared musical experiences had a bonus effect…on the parents! She saw clear signs of something she is calling “musical parenting.” She theorizes that music leads to great opportunities for parent-child bonding. She believes it can help to “foster stronger family relationships.” So stay tuned for more research coming out of the Barrett team providing statistical support for this belief!
Meanwhile, don’t let any time pass before making shared musical experiences as important in your family life as reading aloud hopefully already is. You’re already engaging in this way through Kindermusik classes, but don’t forget your Kindermusik Online at-home materials. And enroll now in our Summermusik classes or pick out your Fall class, and keep that music happening year-round.
You may have noticed our new “Let’s Sing!” initiative in our studio. We have always encouraged you and your little ones to sing along with us during our classes, but sometimes it’s easy to forget to participate in this most fundamental way.
We get it. Not everyone feels confident singing. Sometimes it’s easier to let the educator take the lead, and enjoy class in a more passive way. Maybe you’re intimidated by the other strong voices in your class. Whatever barriers might exist that make you feel less inclined to sing, we want to remind you of the reasons why singing along is so beneficial!
Your voice is your child’s FAVORITE voice. No one sounds quite like mom, dad, grandma, or nanny. A child’s primary caregiver is their source of comfort and security, and a huge part of that is familiarity with your voice. Not your child’s primary caregiver? Singing to them is an extremely effective way to build the same level of bonding and attachment that they have with their primary caregiver, making the time that you care for them that much more effective and easy.
As mentioned before, ATTACHMENT with a child or infant is super-charged when you add singing. Lullabies and playful songs promote eye contact, intentional touch, and build connection. And as we know from Conscious Discipline research, “connection builds cooperation”. Don’t miss out on this easy way to connect with your child.
Teach your child by EXAMPLE. Want your child to gain the language development benefits that come from singing along? Show them how. Want your child’s brain to light up in all developmental areas? Encourage them to sing by singing yourself! Want your child to develop the pro-social group behaviors that come from collective singing? Lead the way. They won’t learn how to exercise their voices if you aren’t using yours.
It’s FUN. As delightful as our Kindermusik classes are designed to be, you can make it that much more of a special experience by adding your voice to ours. A whole choir of families engaged in musical play and learning is such a beautiful sound!
No matter your vocal ability, Kindermusik is a safe place to use your first and most basic instrument. Your voice is a huge part of who you are. And you are welcome here, just as you are. Whether you have classical vocal training or none at all. Whether you’ve got vocal confidence or none at all. Where else can you let your inner child out to play and be completely safe? Kindermusik isn’t just a safe environment for your child, it’s a safe place for YOU. We invite you to throw those inhibitions out the door, tuck those cell phones back in your bags, and be fully present, both physically and vocally, with your child when in our studio.
Music is often thought of simply as entertainment, but its power as a conjurer of emotions is undeniable. You probably have that song that transports you right back to your first big breakup, or to a special moment from childhood. Certain music makes you want to get up and dance, while other tunes can make you weepy for no obvious reason. Music’s unique ability to influence our emotions makes it a powerful tool to manage feelings and behavior.
For children, especially, music can help instill calm, promote self-regulation and impart joy. This is great news for parents, who are so intimately familiar with how quickly and unpredictably kids can “lose it.” Finding effective strategies to calm and comfort can be a challenge, and music is a good one to have in your arsenal.
Creating Feelings of Safety and Security
Many children struggle with change and transitions. Drop-off at school or Grandma’s house, getting into the car for an outing, abandoning a favorite activity for bathtime…all of these things can be stress triggers. The good news is that building music into transitions can help smooth things out.
Try introducing a favorite song during times of transition to set the mood. Want your child to relax? Play something calm. Does your child need to perk up and get moving? Play something lively! Music can also help define and communicate your expectations, so your child understands what’s about to happen and how he or she should respond. Sing “It’s time to take a bath,” or “It’s time to clean the toys” to the tune of “The Farmer in the Dell,” for example. When you choose music that’s familiar, predictable, and used routinely, your child feels calmed by the certainty and familiarity of it all.
Building Self-Regulation
Another way to ensure calmer, happier days with your child is to help strengthen his or her self-regulation skills. Children who can self-regulate are able to remain calm and soothe themselves in stressful or frustrating situations, delay gratification, and adjust to unexpected changes. Self-regulated children wait their turn, share easily with others, and listen carefully.
Sounds dreamy, right? Well, if you don’t feel like this perfectly describes your child, you’re not alone. Self-regulation develops gradually, across the years of early childhood, and it is definitely a process. The beginning stages of self-regulation are about impulse control, so the first step is understanding what it feels like to stop yourself from doing something.
That’s where musical “stop-and-go” activities can help. Remember playing “Freeze Dance” as a kid? Everyone dances to music and then freezes in place when the music stops. Try this with your child. Sing or play music and let loose dancing together! Then stop the music abruptly to challenge your child to control the impulse to continue moving. In the ensuing silence, your child can literally feelthemselves stop; they can feel that they are in control of their actions. This is such a fun and easy way to build important self-regulatory skills. Think about it: In order to play the game effectively, your child needs to focus, listen, and react to aural cues. These are the very things that help children develop attention and control—the building blocks of self-regulation.
Managing Meltdowns
Even children who feel safe and secure and show good self-regulatory skills will occasionally have what we lovingly refer to as “meltdowns.” (And don’t we adults have them, too?) Music can be especially effective at easing everyone back into a better state of mind. And there’s a powerful brain theory behind this.
Research has shown that listening to music lowers cortisol levels. Since cortisol is commonly known as the “stress hormone,” it follows that listening to music reduces stress. Scientists have also proven that listening to music increases dopamine. Dopamine is the neurotransmitter that is known as the “motivation molecule” because it leads to the type of feel-good moments you might experience when eating a favorite food or completing a physically satisfying workout. Feeling blue and out of chocolate? Turn on a song for a dose of mood-enhancing dopamine.
So if your child is feeling stressed, frustrated, angry—any of the emotions that might lead to the dreaded meltdown—turn to music. It just might be the cure.
The last two weeks we have started incorporating I Love You Rituals in our classes. We LOVE these rituals as they perfectly align with Kindermusik’s child-development centered curriculum and our mission here at Song of the Heart Studios. Not only do I Love You Rituals promote our studio values of JOY, CONNECTION, FAMILY, GROWTH, and HEART, but they have a direct and literal impact on your child’s brain development. Research based, these simple rituals soothe cortisol and release oxytocin in the brain. Without getting into the neurochemistry of it all, what this means is that these simple, quick, and fun rituals are a tool that will bond you with your child, will increase their self esteem, lengthen their attention span, promote cooperation, decrease power struggles, reduce hyperactivity, and facilitate language development. Can you believe that all those benefits can come from such a simple ritual? It takes less than a minute to do, and can reap huge rewards. We have been teaching the Twinkle Twinkle ritual in our classes in the hopes that it will inspire you to implement it at home. Here are some ideas of when to throw it into your daily routines:
In the morning, upon waking up
On the diapering table
During nap time and/or
bedtime routines
When getting in or out of the carseat
Before or after meals
When saying goodbye
These delightful rituals were designed by Dr. Becky Bailey, renowned child education and developmental psychology expert, and founder of Conscious Discipline. Please let us know how you incorporate I Love You Rituals into your family life. What benefits have you experienced?
We ended our 2017-2018 season with a bang at our annual Family Jam! Thanks to those of you who came to celebrate! Kicking off the event, we watched our precious Kindermusik graduates showcase their musical abilities and perform for their loved ones. It made us reflect upon all they have learned in the years they have been with us and how much joy we have shared. Transitions are always bittersweet; we will miss our graduates so, and yet we have so much joy in seeing them perform in a big ensemble.
After the graduation we had the wonderful opportunity to enjoy a comedic magic show by Magic Brooklyn, indulge in tasty treats provided by Pink Beehive Cotton Candy and Walker Pediatric Dentistry, make and take a simple instrument, enjoy face painting, pose with Maestro the dog, and even hear the wonderful talents of several Kindermusik graduates and parents who played and displayed their instruments for us all to enjoy.
One of the highlights of the Family Jam was the Instrument Petting Zoo, provided by Summerhays Music. We hope it inspired someone in your family to try a new instrument! Who knows what future musical journey may have received its seeds there! Did your child get to hold and touch a trumpet, or a flute, or a cello? We saw their eyes light up as they experienced the magic of gleaming brass, curious levers, slides, reeds, and bows. Best of all was the amazement they felt when they succeeded in producing sound on something so new!
Thanks to all of YOU, dear parents, grandparents, and other adult loved ones who have given your child the gift of Kindermusik at Song of the Heart Studios this past year. We hope that is has brought not only music into your family life but also growth, connection, and made your hearts swell with joy!
We are sharing the joy all summer long, so come sing with us at Summermusik!
