By now you should have completed an entire unit of your Kindermusik curriculum. You and your little one are settling into class and becoming familiar with our studio routines and your teacher’s classroom rituals.
Hopefully your child is also becoming confident and comfortable enough in class to let their personality shine. It’s so rewarding for the educators when your child feels safe enough in class to look them in the eye or start to sing along. We hope you get to witness those magical moments as well!
Our educators are masters at noticing. It’s a tool they use pedagogically as they gauge how a class is flowing and if any modifications are needed. Your educator meets your child where they are, pays attention to their nonverbal cues, and respects those boundaries. She may adjust the way she approaches your child or sets up an activity or encourages participation, all because her skill of noticing informs her teaching. It’s a form of continuous and live assessment and adjustment. It’s a crucial skill that all educators of all levels employ, regardless of the age of those they are teaching.
Noticing is also a crucial skill in parenting and caregiving. It’s a requirement for building connection with your child. How can you connect with your child if you don’t notice who they are and how they feel? Noticing allows the caregiver to understand the child’s behavior and needs. It can inform the way you interact with your child throughout the day and adjust to meet their needs as those needs change in different circumstances and stages of development.
Noticing can also be an active way of communicating with your child. Your child is seeking connection and validation from you every day. Some of the ways you can let your child know that you are noticing them is through your language. When they accomplish something be specific in your response, beyond saying “good job”.
“Good job” implies a judgment on their behavior and indicates that their goal should be to please you. Instead try some of these “noticing” phrases:
“You did it!” (One of our favorites.)
“That was hard, wasn’t it?”
“I see you playing!”
“Tell me about that.”
“Thank you.”
“You are really trying hard!”
“You helped!”
Notice your child. Let them know you notice them. It will build love and connection between the two of you and lay a foundation for a positive relationship. As they grow and develop and age you will draw on that deposit you’ve invested in their heart and memory. Knowing you are there and witness their efforts will give them the confidence and courage to keep growing and trying.
We’ve had such a wonderful summer with all your beautiful families! We’re on hiatus to give us all a breather and some time to refresh ourselves before the Fall, as it will be back-to-school for so many of you with older kids.
We hope this time will be restful and joyful for you. If you are looking for a way to keep the musical experiences going in between Kindermusik sessions, don’t forget all the tools your educator has given you this year!
Did you even realize that your educator has given you tools to help you in your caretaking role? Music class is a joyful and enriching musical experience for your child, it is true. But our Little Learner classes are also chock-full of child development education for the adults too!
Our educators are child development experts. They not only have years of experience and training, but our JOY Team also engages in ongoing professional development to make sure we keep our skills sharp and learn the newest evidence-based best practices for teaching and raising children. We implement those practices in our classes, and in so doing model them for you.
From substituting “Good job!” for “You did it!”, to S.T.A.R. breathing, there are so many moments of a Kindermusik class that you can integrate into your routines at home. Try engaging your child’s mirror neurons with deep breathing and some musical cuddle time before tucking them into bed. Use an I Love You Ritual before a diaper change to set the connection and calm your child. Sing “toys away!” between activities to remind them to clean up at home as well and prepare them for transitions in their day.
And of course if you need a little extra fun during an unscheduled day, you can always tap into your Kindermusik @home activities for inspiration. There are fun craft activities, video field trips, dance-along music, and more. There are a lot of often untapped resources available to you with your Kindermusik enrollment.
As always, together or (briefly) apart, you are always in our heart. We wish you well and will sing with you soon!
One of our favorite child development gurus is Sarah Ockwell-Smith, a British author and parenting expert.
She shares this “Neuroscience Nugget” with parents:
If your toddler regularly listens to music, their prefrontal cortex and auditory cortex, the parts of the brain which help to process speech, will be more developed than toddlers who are not regularly surrounded by music.
If your toddler regularly listens to music, especially in a playful way (singing nursery rhymes with you for instance), it can have an amazing positive effect on their brain.
You don’t have to be musically gifted yourself, just introduce music into your everyday life, sing to your child (it doesn’t matter how off key!), dance to fun music together, consider musical toys and just have fun with sounds!
Here at Kindermusik and Song of the Heart Studios we’ve known this for ages. Neuroscientists, musicians, educators, parents, and child development experts agree: music is like superfood for your child’s brain.
Each week when you come to class you are giving your child’s a brain a boost. You are giving them a super-dose of the only stimulus that lights up all areas of their brain. You’re boosting their verbal development, their cognitive development, their social development, their motor development, and their emotional development.
And the best part about Kindermusik is that it gives your child this boost without any stress of performance for you or for them. There are no wrong ways to experience a Kindermusik class. We are process oriented, not performance oriented. So even if you can’t sing in tune or know how to play an instrument, it doesn’t matter. Just by coming to class, or playing your current unit’s album on the Kindermusik app, or singing an I Love You Ritual you learned in class during diaper changes, you are giving your child the gift of music and all the benefits that flow from it.
The solution to all your parenting woes. The starting place to solving your relationship conflicts. The key to understanding and resolving your child’s behavioral problems.
Whenever you or your child is struggling, go back to basics. Go back to connection.
Research has shown that humans are not capable of being rational, of making good decisions, of getting along with others, of handling stress, or basically ANY executive functioning skills unless two basic needs are met first: SAFETY and CONNECTION.
When you are threatened, your brain goes into fight, flight, or freeze mode. Your conscious brain is hijacked by the hind brain as you seek safety. When you are in this “survival state” you can’t respond to stressful situations with grace or empathy. Nor can your children. Your brain and body asks “am I safe?” If the answer is no, that need must be met before you can move up to the next brain state.
Let’s say you feel safe and can calm your hind brain into understanding that you are not under threat. The next thing your brain asks is “Am I Loved?” If you are lacking connection with a loved one or a trusted friend, you will have trouble having patience and choosing positive behaviors. The same thing goes for your child. If your child feels disconnected from you, they won’t feel loved. They won’t feel safe. They won’t be able to listen to you and respond calmly. They won’t be able to make decisions, follow directions, or remain calm.
So what do you do when your hind brain hijacks you? What do you do when your screaming toddler gets red in the face and fluids drip down their face?
You meet the first two needs. First, remind yourself that you are safe. So what if some judgmental person at Target is watching your child’s melt down. Ignore them. Take a deep breath. Release some tension in your shoulders. Next, approach your child.
Get down on their level. This is a non-threatening approach. Some children will want to be touched. Some will not want to be touched, even by Mom. Try for eye contact. Tell them they are safe. Tell them they are loved. Tell them that when they are ready, you are there to help them.
This is called coregulation. Children simply do not have the executive functioning skills or inner voice that is needed for regulating their emotions. You have to co-regulate with them. Show them how it’s done. Calm yourself first. Then help them calm themselves. This is all accomplished through CONNECTION.
So the next time you see your child’s behavior taking a turn for the worse, remember that their behavior is communication. Their tantrum or resistance is telling you that they are slipping down from the higher brain state and need help to feel safe and to feel loved. Spend some time connecting with them. Slow down. Take a breath. Be present. Be playful. You’ve got this.
A familiar scene: your toddler clings to you, unsure of this new Kindermusik classroom environment. Then they excitedly leave your arms to engage with the activities, only to return to you for reassurance. As you see your little one cling to you for security and then venture off to explore, only to return to you again, you will notice them learning to assert more and more independence. This is a good thing! But as we are all about CONNECTION here at Song of the Heart Studios, we know that a strong bond with your child is what will give them the confidence to spread their wings and soar.
Parenting guru and child development specialist and author Sarah Ockwell-Smith has so much wisdom for both new parents of young children and veteran parents of growing children who are claiming more independence. In a recent Instagram post she shares her top advice for staying connected to your child as they grow. Read her wise words:
The early years of parenting can feel stifling, your child’s intense need for you – day and night – can leave you desperate for some time away from them. Your worlds revolve around each other, closely tied in the same orbit, as if you and they were one being – extensions of each other. Their need and love for you so strong. As children get older, that orbit grows. The pull of the outside world ever increasing. Until one day, you realise you miss that tight knit connection and begin to mourn it, wondering if things will ever be the same again, but there are ways to keep a strong connection as your children grow.
Here are my top 5:
1. Accept the change in need for you. It may seem counterproductive, but the more you allow your child to break away from you now – by giving them freedom, the more likely they are to return to you in the future. Recognise you are their ‘safe base’, that they will always return to, but their job now is to explore the world away from you.
2. Always be there to support them. Waiting in the wings, unjudgementally, to listen and ‘hold’ them when they need it.
3. Rein in the punishments (especially exclusion based ones). If your children feel safe to express themselves and tell you about their mistakes, they are far more likely to be open with you as they grow. If they are raised with fear of retribution and exclusion, you will push them away.
4. Work on your own feelings. If your child’s growing independence leaves you feeling a hole, don’t expect them to fill it. Now is the time for you to rediscover who you are, learn new skills and develop new passions. Learn how to feel comfortable being ‘just you’ again.
5. Connect on their level – if they love video games, ask them to explain them to you and play together. If they love making Tik Tok dances, ask if they can teach you one.
And here at Song of the Heart Studios of course we recommend you maintaining an active role in their Kindermusik experience by helping your Little Music Maker engage with your at home materials, help them practice their Young Child instruments, and do our special sharing time activities. It not only enhances their (and your) musical experience but it also maintains and extends your special parent-child bond.
Does your child have imaginary friends? Wondering if it’s a positive or a negative phase? Let me tell you a story…
My mother grew up in a small southern US town in the 1940s, when polio was rampant. My grandparents, who were older and struggled to have a child, were naturally fearful of the disease and scared to lose her. So, Mom wasn’t allowed to play with other children very often.
Except for one.
Now in her mid-80s, Mom still speaks vividly about Sue—the imaginary friend who saved her from loneliness and helped her practice friendship skills. Sue helped my vivacious, extroverted mother thrive, even in her isolation.
Imaginary friends are more common than you think…especially in a pandemic.
Experts are weighing in on why they exist, if they’re a good thing, and if they’re a helpful developmental tool for little ones.
Why is there an uptick in imaginary friends?
Pretend playmates have always been around, in both uncertain and “normal” times. However, after nearly a year of COVID-induced social isolation, imaginary friends are reportedly popping up in more households than ever before.
Children who are entering the stages of cooperative play, and even older kids who are missing school, sports, and more, may naturally fill these developmental gaps by creating friends they can play with any time, anywhere.
Are imaginary friends healthy?
While it’s easy to wonder if imaginary friends indicate problems in children, early childhood experts disagree. In fact, children who have them (and approximately 65% under age 7 do!), might surprise you in how they interact with these made up buddies.
Maybe you notice them taking turns, showing empathy, or even disagreeing and compromising. These are all good things that may help keep your child on track with cognitive and social-emotional milestones.
How are imaginary friends helpful, especially now?
Not all children gravitate toward this type of behavior. But if you’re looking for a way to help yours combat loneliness (even children with siblings), consider encouraging them to create some playmates.
You could start by modeling conversations with their favorite teddy bear or inviting all of their stuffed animals to a dance party. Then, just see where their own imaginations take them.
By letting your children take the reins, you’re fostering neural connections, creativity, and so much more.
Perhaps most important, imaginary friendships offer plenty of safe practice in how to navigate social situations—the one area we know will be difficult for many children as we reenter a post-pandemic society.
What does music have to do with imaginary friends?
Music doesn’t have to be a part of the relationship, but it’s an easy and enjoyable shared experience. My mom, a lifelong musician, certainly remembers music as a big part of her memories with Sue.
So, put on a song, turn up the volume, and leave the room. Your child might soon be singing and dancing with a friend. Who knows…it might be a girl (or a boy) named Sue!
For a perfect song choice, check out “Best Friends.” Play it below or stream it directly from our app, which has a ton of other songs and themed playlists to choose from (available on the App Store or Google Play).
At Kindermusik, imaginary friends are welcome in both our virtual and in-person classes. Bring them along for some music and movement fun, and maybe get to know other children’s pretend besties while you’re there!
-Reposted from Kindermusik International; Written by Deanne Kells.
5 Ways to to Encourage Optimal Brain Development in Babies and Toddlers
– Sarah Ockwell Smith
1. Hug them lots! The best way to help to support your child’s development is to be responsive to their needs. When they cry, pick them up and try to avoid leaving them to cry alone. Babies and toddlers can’t self-settle. They need us to act as external regulators. Holding your baby in your arms helps to secrete hormones which grow the part of the brain responsible for emotion regulation. You can’t ever spoil a child with love or hold them too much!
2. Look after your own mental & physical health. To be responsive to your baby’s needs, you need to meet your own needs too. This means that looking after your physical and mental health is a key part of helping your baby to develop. We live in a society that is not especially supportive of new parents, having a baby or toddler is hard work at the best of times – during a global pandemic it’s even tougher. If you are struggling do chat with your family doctor, or get in touch with an organisation who can help (I’ve tagged some in this post).
3. Expose them to music. Music has a wonderful effect on the developing brain, it can help babies and toddlers to feel calmer and also helps with the development of language. You don’t need to have any musical skill or talent though, your child is not that discerning! Singing nursery rhymes (however off key), humming along to a radio station swaying with your baby or toddler in your arms, or making up your own tunes are just perfect.
4. Read to them. The more words a baby or toddler hears, the larger their vocabulary and their literacy skills will be as they grow. Reading is a lovely way for partners to bond, for instance taking the role of reading a bedtime story every night. Don’t worry if your baby or toddler never looks at the pages, doesn’t seem to pay attention, or would rather eat the book, your reading will still have an impact!
5. Play with them. Play is the primary tool of learning. You don’t need expensive developmental toys though, simple games of pat-a-cake or peek-a-boo are more than enough. Pull funny faces, blow raspberries and have fun!
***
What’s fascinating about this write up by parenting and child development expert Sarah Ockwell-Smith is how Kindermusik aids in all five of these suggestions.
Her first suggestion is to hug them lots. Intentional touch. Playful touch. We do that in every Kindermusik class from our I Love You Rituals to our cuddle times.
Her second suggestion is to look after your OWN mental and physical health. Kindermusik is meant to be enjoyable for the adult as well and if you engage with your child fully as their partner you will be given natural doses of Joy Juice, that wonderful cocktail of hormones and endorphins that make you feel good. Sometimes that’s just what a stressed out parent needs.
Her third suggestion is to expose them to music. Hello! We already know that music is the ONLY stimulus that lights up ALL areas of the brain simultaneously. It’s long been shown that early musical experiences promote optimal learning far into a child’s future.
The fourth suggestion is to read to your children. This is why we incorporate story time into every Kindermusik class and why Ms Maren gives us a weekly story time over Facebook live. Have you caught her most recent story?
The final suggestion is simply to play. Play with your children. Play is a child’s work. Play is how they learn. Simply being present and playful will give your child everything their brain needs to learn and to grow. Sometimes playfulness doesn’t come naturally to a parent. That’s where Kindermusik comes in! We’re here to support you in crafting playful experiences to share with your child as you partner together during our Kindermusik classes.
We hope that you can see how Kindermusik is the perfect tool to incorporate into your family’s lives and routine. It’s not just fun, it’s also developmentally beneficial. Those benefits will continue to flow over a lifetime. And it all starts here.
We know from research that CONNECTION with your children is a mandatory prerequisite for their cooperation. Not only that, but it brings fulfillment and happiness as you and your child get a shot of Joy Juice hormones that make you feel good. And who doesn’t want more of that? It’s so crucial to the optimal development of a child that’s part of the reason it’s one of our five studio values.
One of the key components for building connection with your children is playfulness. We have learned from Conscious Discipline that the elements needed for true connection are eye contact, touch, playfulness, and presence. We strive to utilize these elements in every Kindermusik class, and most especially during our I Love You Rituals.
Let’s focus on playfulness for a moment. The following suggestions come from Sarah Ockwell-Smith, childcare and parenting author and expert.
Hands up if you struggle to be a playful parent? For some, being playful comes naturally, for others it can feel a little awkward and stilted. If you’re in the latter category, give these tips a try:
1. View play as a ‘must have’, not ‘nice to have’. We are so busy with adult life, that playing with our children often sinks to the bottom of our to-do lists. Viewing play as important, not as time wasted that could be better spent elsewhere, is the way forward. 15 minutes playing with your child is infinitely more valuable than 15 minutes sending emails, or vacuuming the carpet.
2. Play at your child’s level, not your own. What does this mean? It means not inventing mature games or activities that you think your child would like, or that you believe to be age appropriate or good developmentally. Watch and observe how your child plays and join in. It doesn’t have to make sense to you and it doesn’t have to have an obvious teaching moment.
3. Reconnect with your inner child. As we grow we learn to be more self-conscious, we lose the value of play and we lose the skills to be great at it. Sometimes we need to go deep inside and remember how thrilling it is to be silly, how fun it is to lose ourselves in our imaginations. Dig deep and remember what you enjoyed at their age – did you like skipping/jump ropes, jumping in muddy puddles, Painting with your fingers? You’re not too old for those things now!
4. Make everyday chores more playful. Invent a bedtime song, a tidying up dance, or a family race to get shoes on when it’s time to go out. Play can be incorporated into every aspect of family life. It doesn’t have to be a specific play time to make something more fun.
5. Get into role playing and drama. Remember how fun it was to play schools, shops, or mums and dads as a child? Role playing/acting out different characters is such a lovely way to play with children, it’s also a great way to encourage them to do things they don’t usually want to do (e.g: pretending to be a dinosaur hunter when brushing teeth, or a grooming chimpanzee when brushing hair).
Any parent who has had a toddler knows the power of a tantrum. Not only does it completely overwhelm your child’s body, it makes them irascible and unresponsive to any solutions to their problem that you might present. Not to mention it can also throw you as the parent into an emotional tailspin, overwhelming you with frustration, and you find yourself incapable of being your best parenting self.
Guess what? I have good news for you. There is a magical tool available to you that can take that tantrum and turn it into a teaching moment where you show your child how to manage those overwhelming emotions. This tool is called EMPATHY.
Simply expressing empathy to your child, instead of solving their problem, is the goal.
All conflict begins with upset. And you cannot solve the conflict unless you first address the upset. Empathy is the way to do that.
Here’s what that might look like:
Your child is in distress. Maybe they don’t like their dinner. Maybe they don’t want to put away their toys. Maybe they don’t want to give you that sharpie they’re using to color the walls. Instead of trying to offer solutions, or putting them in time out, or explaining what they need to do, just get down on their level. Offer some gentle intentional touch. Validate their feelings. When you validate and notice their emotions that is called co-regulation.
Children lack the executive functioning skill of regulating their emotions. They require co-regulation from a trusted adult to show them how, so that as they mature they can develop the skill of emotional regulation. You co-regulate by offering empathy.
Next time your child is overcome with strong emotions and it’s triggering your own, take a breath. Notice how you are responding to them. How are you managing their emotions? Are you ignoring their feelings? Negating or minimizing their feelings? Even if their feelings are irrational or over something trivial, they are not trivial to the child. They are overwhelming for the child. So get down on their level, say “You seem sad” or “You seem frustrated” and just let their feelings be. Make space for those feelings. Validate those feelings. Your empathy will integrate their brain and help them to regulate their emotions. Only then will they be functioning in the executive portion of their brain and can accept help or find a solution to their problem.
Unless you were parented this way it may not come naturally to you. People tend to parent the way they were parented, but behavioral and brain science tells us there’s a better way. And it starts with empathy.
3 Ways Screen Time Boosts Development in a COVID-Era World
For years, parents have been advised to limit screen time. We’re all aware of the limits suggested by organizations like the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), and families try hard to follow them.
But then…a pandemic hit, and the world turned upside down. Routines and rules changed, and technology was recast as a positive necessity.
In the wake of COVID-19, researchers/authors Sonia Livingstone and Alicia Blum-Ross found that of their three classes of digital parents(Embracers, Balancers, Resistors), “complete resistance” became nearly impossible. Who can completely resist technology?
Many little ones can only see their extended family members via FaceTime. School-aged children must use technology to continue learning. Stressed out families need to relax together, and watching a wholesome movie is a great option. But when you add up all of that screen time, isn’t it alarming?
Screen time experts say…”Relax.”
As times have changed, so have guidelines. In March, the AAP released a statement about technology use. What’s missing from this statement are any guidelines around technology time limits for young children.
That was a deliberate choice—there’s not a “one size fits all” standard anymore. Instead, the focus is on what Dr. Jenny Radesky (one of the writers) calls the Three C’s: Child, Content, and Context.
In a nutshell, trust yourself.
Parents know their children better than anyone else does. You also know the content you value and when it’s appropriate to incorporate it into your family routines.
According to Livingstone and Blume-Ross, the important question to ask isn’t “How much screen time?” It’s “How do we want to live, and how does technology fit in?”
Here are 3 ways you can use screen time to boost early development in a COVID-era world:
1. Stay in Touch with Loved Ones
Staying connected is one of the most important things we can do for everyone’s mental health (especially when it comes to children), even in quarantine.
The AAP reminds us that children are more likely to thrive when they are able to see friends and family—even if it’s on a screen. Connection is key to fostering positive social-emotional skills, which is an essential part of early childhood development.
2. Create Memorable Shared Moments
At Kindermusik, we believe one of the best ways to stay connected is to enjoy shared musical moments. Keep those scheduled virtual family chats going, but mix them up by singing favorite songs together and maybe even start a weekly family dance party!
Need some help? Grab our free Kindermusik app (download it on the Apple Store or Google Play), and find something everyone will love. And don’t watch the clock! You’ll be moving, grooving, and making memories, so it doesn’t count as actual “screen time.”
3. Sign Up for LIVE Virtual Classes
Digital instruction is on the rise, but in order to really capitalize on early development and social-emotional benefits, choose live, interactive virtual classes. This type of setting allows you to share learning experiences, conversations, and even laughter with other families. Trust us, children can tell the difference between when a teacher is actually asking them a question, and when it’s a recording.
At Song of the Heart Studios, ALL our classes have an in-person and a LIVE VIRTUAL option, so that you can connect with your class family and still have the Kindermusik experience at home. You can keep the JOY and CONNECTION and GROWTH happening from the safety of your living room.
On that note, take a deep breath, and use technology when it makes sense for your family.
-Reposted with edits from Kindermusik International
